Evan gets a BigWheel !

Dance recital is done and done.....YES! a sense of relief has taken hold.

John is back

Not alot to say...just that John is back and I am very happy....
I also want to thank Becky S. and Beth H. for all the help with Evan, there is no way I would have made it through this with out you, and also to Leslie F. --You are such a great friend, thank you for just being there and for the help and support, it meant alot.

Mother's Day reflection....

I try to keep my pessimistic attitude at bay, and TRY to keep the negative stuff to a minimum on my blog and facebook But.....feeling the need to share: I might have to take a break from reading other people's blog's (about their lives) and facebook: why....I do feel the envy sneak up alot lately. As I reflect about "mother's day" and being a mom: well, it's a hard and sacrificial job. Your life is gone in one fell swoop with the last "push" and in some ways my life is over: I do love being a mom-it is very rewarding....but a hard job. I can't remember the last time I laughed out loud you know one of those belly laughs or did something just plain fun. or for that matter relaxing. I fall asleep every single night completely and utterly exhausted and my mind races with the days and weeks ahead as I fight the drifting off. I guess no first-time mom really knows what she's gotten herself into until the baby arrives, and as much as I wanted and was ready to be a mom, it is not what I thought it was going to be. again it is an amazing and wonderful job but a very complicated and challenging one. As a mom you are pushed at every level and at all times and in my case it feels like it's relentless. NO REST FOR THE WEARY! I am TIB tired....(tops in blue tired) Evan will get older and this will all be a distant memory but now...I am trying to live in the moment and forge ahead, and look at the bright side, and change my perspective and realize that I am lucky but it's easy to say and not easy to do.

Missing my identity

Missing my freedom

Missing what it was like to have a life, to get to relax, to be able to take a break and breathe, to sleep in - just once.....

with all that said plus alot I'm not saying......I have grown to truely appreciate what my mom has done for my brother and me, and how dedicated she was to us and still is, I have an awesome-awesome mom, she did it with hardly any money, my dad working hard, with minimal help from family and (sorry dad-but she changed every single diaper--my dad never did diapers-without a washing machine, small sink on a farm-cloth diapers) so you see, everyday my appreciation grows for Mrs Cindy Coffey--love ya mom

I miss him...plain and simple

Miss him, nothing more to say

John in Action once again....

The civie gig..

Glad to see them goofing off a little, this pic did my heart some good. Why am I not surprised that it's John, Michael and Fish.....I can't wait for all of them to return, I must admit that if you need a good laugh, just spend 2 min with these three guys, plus Paul. They will have your belly hurting....

cool to do a gig in civies

John just sent this to me today, it was from a special gig they did last night.

April 25-Evan is 18 months old, this is what we were up to around the house....

No thank you, no need for help....

So, while Evan takes his nap-I decide to take a quick spin around the house with my camera-I wanted just a few more shots of spring, but I also noticed my yards were dotted with yellow and badly needed a grass cutting....so when Evan got up, we went outside....I set up the packnplay and he watched my grass cutting spectacle....

It was time for the yellow to go away...although I found them beautiful since they filled the yards

So after alot of pushing and ripping of that stinkin cord everytime I stalled out, they were cut. The entire back yard and front along with a side yard not pictured. I would say no biggie, but it was despite - my back injured in two places and a hernia And after two long days of work at dance (14 hours in 2 days) also quite a stressful week for many reasons......So now I know I can do anything, no problem - I can be mommy, daddy, the cook, the maid, the dance teacher, the volunteer dance teacher in Gonbach, the financial rep, Evan's playmate, errand girl and dog walker-among other small tasks....so no I'm not interested in trying to find help anymore....this gave me a little confidence to just push through it and make it happen, despite excuses or reasons I shouldn't do this alone.

It's hard to see here but the front lawn is all hill

Done and Done


It's 920 at night and the baby is asleep, dogs are fed and walked. I am taking a well deserved bath, it's been weeks--nope actually months since I've had a bath and I can't wait. This will be a big treat as my usual is a 6 min shower each day (and yes ladies that includes shaving and hair washing and conditioning) I've got it down to a science. Grass is cut and the house is not a complete disaster-it's been a decent day.

more zoo pics

Caught him in mid yawn and it makes him look vicious...

A very tired little boy after his trip to the zoo.....